I have a practice of laying my guns out on the table—figuratively. It isn’t the first thing I mention when I meet someone new, but it follows by a close fourth or fifth. If you dislike guns, then you and I probably aren’t going to get along. Fortunately, living in Texas means that even if you don’t own a gun personally, you’re kind of cool with them. More than likely if someone grew up in Texas his or her grandfather, father, uncle or brother, had a gun around the house. There is no mystery that us Southerners like our guns. Sometimes, though, when one goes off to university or starts life in the real world, their views can change. Making a decision about guns is often one of those changes—especially in the current political climate. People feel passionately about guns and that is why I tend to let people know soon after I’ve met them—especially if I want the relationship to go further—that I am a gun owner.
I haven’t dated anyone who disliked guns. However, sometimes stuff happens. Maybe you got into guns later in life or you happened to fall head over heels for a guy or a gal where your shooting or hunting hobby just never came up (I’m not exactly sure how that happens, though). Regardless, you think it is about time you introduce guns to your loved one or guide your significant other to learn to love guns as much as you do. Number one: do not expect to convert a gun hater to a gun lover. To avoid heartache and frustration, make it your goal to only take the fear of guns away and educate them about your sport.
Take it Slow
The way to introduce your guns and hobby is by talking about it. Explain to your honey what you love about shooting and why you chose to own a gun. Center the conversation on things such as, “Learning to shoot has helped increase my confidence, concentration and patience.” Avoid statements like, “It makes me feel powerful.” Fear comes from when we feel unsafe or do not know what is going to happen. More than likely, your significant other is feeling fear when they think about or see guns and have developed a preconceived notion about what a gun owner is like. Red flag words like power, in control or assertive can be intimidating to someone who has gun anxiety—especially if they have been a victim of violence in the past. Try your hardest to avoid arguing. If your significant other starts to protest and spout incorrect facts about the safety of guns, calmly lead them to the free PDF download Gun Facts. I reference Guy Smith’s Gun Facts often. I like it because the statistics presented come from objective organizations such as law enforcement agencies, the FBI and the U.S. Department of Defense.
After you feel like your boyfriend or girlfriend has recognized and understood your point of view, even if they don’t necessarily agree, ask them if they would like to see and touch your gun. Before bringing the gun out, tell them the four golden rules of gun safety. Without any ammunition in the same room, show your sweetie your unloaded gun. Start by showing them it is completely empty and there is no ammo in the room. Break down you gun describing each part. A gun is a machine, just like their car and has different working parts that make the gun work. If they feel comfortable, let them touch it and pull the trigger.
Introduce them to your other gun-owning friends in a neutral setting. As I mentioned before, your significant other probably has an ill-conceived idea of what a gun owner is like. Throw a barbecue, hit happy hour or go to a baseball game. Keep the conversation away from guns and politics. Tell jokes and just have a good time. Hopefully this shows your significant other that gun owners don’t necessarily fit into any one box.
The Ultimate Goal
The ultimate goal is to get your partner to the range. However, do not nag them or keep asking repeatedly. Ask once and if they say no, let it rest for a while. Pursue other interests with them, but don’t forget to spend time on your own to keep shooting. Be open and honest about your time at the range. Hopefully after a few months they will want to see why you like to go so often.
They might prefer taking an introductory class from a certified instructor first, before going with you. Ask them if they are interested in doing so. If they are, offer to pay and go with them if the class is coed. Women might feel more comfortable in a women’s-only class. Check with your local shooting ranges to see if they have women only classes or find a women-only clinic on the NRA women’s network or women’s NRA training programs.
Taking a class or clinic can also come after you take them shooting for the first time. Once they have agreed to go with you, I highly suggest taking them to an outdoor range or a friend’s property for their first time. The shooting range can be a scary place for newbies. Being outside cuts down the sound and smells of guns firing which may make some people nervous.
Start out with a .22 Long Rifle where sound and recoil is minimal. Only move up in caliber when they are ready. I remember the first time I shot a full-sized .357 Magnum S&W revolver. My friend loaded one round. This was very smart thinking. The first time your honey shoots, even a .22 LR, load one round before giving them a fully loaded gun.
A Note to the Ladies
Though it is changing considerably, shooting, hunting and gun culture has been a stereotypical male-dominated realm. Do not question your guy’s masculinity if he doesn’t like guns. Boys grew up playing rough with BB guns, paintball and laser tag. It’s implied they are supposed to want to shoot guns. Many guys feel like it should be an innate ability to shoot a gun. We know it isn’t. Don’t make your man feel like a whimp because he doesn’t know how a gun works. Tread lightly!
Show your man the basic functionality of your gun and go over the safety rules. We ladies know many men don’t take instruction well, so make sure he’s safe, then let him figure out the rest himself.
Many men were taught to shoot and hunt by their father. If your brother, dad or good friend shoots, have them take your man to the range with them.
Avoid the Situation All Together
I get it. The dating world is a tough game and you have to compromise. However, as I stated before, I lay my guns out on the table usually right away. Typically, by the second date, if not the first, you discuss your passions, hobbies and interests. Make shooting guns one of the first topics you discuss. You’ll be able to judge if they are into it or not by their reaction.
If you are on a dating website, add that you shoot or hunt on your profile. Chat up cuties at your local range or take coed classes to meet like-minded people.
Though I have not tried them, gunloverspassions.com, dateagunlover.com and kwink.com/dating-community/gunlovers are all dating sites that cater to gun nuts.
Are you dating or married to someone who doesn’t or did not like guns? I would love to hear your stories and suggestions on how you dealt with the situation. Post them in the comment section.
Great tips you have shared. Thanks for sharing this.
Great post rb!! What a heart felt history! Thank you VERY much for sharing that! My condolences for you losses. It was pure joy reading your post – My hope for the future is a little brighter now, and I’m sure you are proud of your family – I sure would have been if I were in your shoes. My Mom was a magistrate judge, so it didn’t take me long to convince her she needed to be armed, concealed carry. I got her a snub nosed High-Standard Sentinel .22 cal. and she was deadly with that! Wow are those things hard to find now!
My mother always hated guns. Coming from a farming/agricultural area I always thought this somewhat strange.Her and dad got married, moved to the city and got n with their lives. We cam along and the heaviest thing I was allowed were air-rifles. Well, the years went by, they got older and the world changed. The “occupy-er” thing started. I approached my parents about their safety. I was as patient as possible in presenting my fears, and what I had that they could use. They said they’d think about it. Well months went by, dad passed leaving mom alone much of the time. She had been looking at my “American Rifleman” magazines, I guess the colorful cover/layouts got her attention. One bay she stopped me and said “I want something like this little one here.” We talked, about the possibilities and dangers of ownership. Well I got her a nice little KelTec P-32 in 32cal. It was small, simple to operate and light recoil. I gave it to her for Christmas. Her first gun at 75 years old! You should have seen that smile on her face. She was sitting in the same place that I was sitting when I got my first pistol. Wish I had remembered to take a couple of pictures.
Well, as time went by, and mother went to be with dad. But I’ll always remember the smiles and fascination they showed while I was demonstrating the guns etc.. But mom’s first gun moment will live in my heart forever. I just had to allow it to come in it’s own time. I waited a lifetime to see it. Wished I took pictures.
I asked my Sweetie what she wanted for her birthday last fall and she replied, “A new Concealed Carry Pistol”. Am I a lucky man or what? BTW she loves her new Beretta – we picked it out together.
I have always loved guns from afar and never owned one. I was always looking whenever in the outdoor stores. One day I met my beautiful bride at the gun counter at Cabelas. I put a Kimber in her hand I had been admiring. Soon we will be married a year and “date night” is a box of ammunition at our local gun club! We both enjoy ballistic therapy and we will be taking the Concealed Handgun License class together in a couple of weeks. We BOTH have a KImber now……and a few others! And have great conversation over the desk cleaning our guns. I posted your great article for my friends that haven’t been as blessed as I.
I think a lot of guys are in your shoes Steve, and I hope your journey to enjoy your rights is a safe one!! I wasn’t planning on spending any money on guns for at least three years, but the political climate now, motivated me to spend way more than I wanted.
One thing is for sure – I’ve never lost money on guns! They are a better investment than gold, and lets face it, if the S-H-F, nobody is going to want money for survival – it will be worthless, and that includes gold and silver! Ammo will be better than money if that scenario happens. Let’s pray that it doesn’t!!
Steve, I believe you may have provided a new definition to he term of “the Ying and Yang” of an evolving issue! That’s quite a journey you all have been on. I’m sure that you will find the balance point between you.
I’m a new first time gun owner (purchased my semi-auto pistol in the Fall of ’12), but my journey to being one began about 20 years ago. I had always been on the fence about guns, but after a couple of things that I won’t go into here I decided that one day I was going to get one. 20 years ago I had been married for about 6 years and my wife and I had two young boys. My wife is not thrilled about guns, but she understands why I decided to get one (basically home defense). I had not intended to take 20 years to make my purchase. I was studying, and investingating, and having gun-owning friends take me shooting and answer questions. It just seemed every time I was on the path to making my purchase I got side tracked. I have discussed my reasoning with my wife every step of the way. She is still not thrilled, but understands and can’t argue my reasons. But she has not tried to stop me.
I’m still learning and getting more comfortable every time I go to the range (about once a month). I have told her that once I get to a certain comfort level that she needs to learn to use it, at least basically, since it will be in the house and that god forbid she ever needs to use it, she’ll at least know which end to point in the right direction.
I don’t know if I would have run out 20 years ago and bought it, with young kids in the house, if my wife would have been as understanding. Granted, taking 20 years to make your case is a little extreme, but maybe the way to go is to take some time to make your case logically, and to take the other advice that has been offered to take it slow thereafter.
I think my wife will enjoy shooting once she tries it. I know she will still not like the fact that guns are a necessary “evil”, but I think she’ll be interested in going to the range on occassion. I guess she supports the logic of gun ownership, but emotionally she is against them, and I can understand that because I do too.
Hey DV#14,
You are the Ffirearms Funny of the day! It’s a shame she made this choice an either or deal . . . . .I’m sure she will be missed.
Excuse me post #12 – I don’t know what happened here?
@Alan post #11 – I can sympathize with you there Alan – it never ceases to amaze me the hypocritical nature of folks who live in the “Dalt Wizzley” wonderful world of fantasy about what is real in man’s requirement to eat, and bring sustenance to the table.
It has become a sad disconnect of urban folks who have completely forgot what food is and where it comes from, and what is required to obtain it. IF they ever went to a slaughter house, they should realize that taking wild animals is a LOT more humane, as at least the wild animal has half a chance of escaping, and even getting even with the hunter if he isn’t careful! I wish they would teach kids in school a little bit about disaster preparedness, so they could function in emergency situations without going into shock at the reality check they will very rudely get, in such situations!
My spouse is a gun-hater. We’ve been married 43 years so I may be forgiven for thinking her attitude is an unchangable feature of her psyche. However, I did make a concession to her feelings about guns.
I told her that, in deference to her feelings about gun violence, I would not defend her with firearms in the event of a criminal attack. I hope she feels better in our 45-minutes from the Sheriff’s HQ rural home.
Nice article, very well written and organized. I come from a gun family, we are not crazed fanatics with an Ar15 and shotgun behind every door and the ability to spout off every detail about every gun ever made. When I was a kid shooting and hunting was just part of life just like fishing and growing food in our garden, it was how my family survived. There were a few relatives who did not like guns, it was not because of all the “liberal cool aid” as some people put it, it was just simply their choice in life. Some people like steak and others like seafood, there does not have to be a political conspiracy to make them choose one or the other. Anyway, back to the article response…LOL.. I think that a relationship can work between the two if they are willing to respect the others decision, but it would be better to have shooting in common because it would close the door on possible arguments down the road.
Good points, Suzanne. They can also apply when you ‘marry into’ situations. The main problem my wife has with guns is she thinks I should be spending the money on fixing the dishwasher instead of buying a new gun. It was particularly frustrating for her when Colorado passed all of the new laws and I had to ‘stock up’ this year.
However, my wife has a sister here in town who is married and has two boys ages 4 and 6. Her sister doesn’t have a problem with guns, either, but her husband does. Unfortunately, he’s the father of two boys who has a very close uncle (me) that is an avid hunter and fisherman. The boys, particularly the older one, are always asking me about my guns – “where are they? can I see them? can I shoot one? when can I go hunting with you?” I’m sure it is very difficult for my brother-in-law to hear that, so I have to tread lightly with my brother-in-law and use the same tactics you described with him. Unfortunately, I think he is a “gun hater”.
They do seem to like the elk meat I provide them and tolerate my explaining to the boys how I got it, but I don’t think I’ll be able to take my nephews hunting until they are 18.
My wife was definitely not a gun lover and I didn’t own guns when I first met her. I got into the love of shooting later in my life. She was even skeptical of me getting my first firearm. I knew I needed to make her feel comfortable. At night, when we would watch TV, I would un-holster my handgun and lay it down on the end table between our seats. I knew she would be curious about it, because every time I laid it there, she would look at it. After a long while, I noticed she was taking a deeper look at it… one night she asked me what “that” was and pointed to a feature. I emptied the firearm, showed her that it was unloaded and explained “that” only. She nodded in understanding, I reloaded and laid back on the table. Over the next month or so, this type of questioning and explaining went on a few more times. By this point, she had a decent understanding about how the firearm operated. She had even held it in her hand and dry fired it. I explained to her that having a gun in the house and her not knowing how to shoot it might be a bad idea. Eventually, she ended up taking a “Girls and Guns” course sponsored through the NRA. Today she has a License to Carry Firearms through our state and her own handgun.
Folks, be patient. You may not turn them around like I did mine, but patience and understanding will at least subside any fear they may have.
Bill from Boomhower, TX… I’m so sorry about your losses and you make a valid point. Try to understand why your mate may not like firearms. They may have been the victim of one.
When I first met my wife she had no experience with guns or “gun people,” and said that if we got married that there would be no guns in the house. I told her that simply wasn’t going to happen. She then stated that our children would never touch them. I told her that my children would, at a minimum, learn to handle firearms safely. She realized that this was non-negotiable and let it go. As she spent more time around me and my buddies she realized that we weren’t a bunch of weirdos, and that in our world we were the norm. She still won’t shoot, but she’s become more comfortable with having guns in the house, and accustomed to seeing me holster my pistol before going out. Some of the wives of my team mates like to shoot, and I hope to get her to go shooting with them, because she will not listen to me. As a professional that bugs me, but whatever moves the ball forward.
No female friend of mine ever doubts my resolve – if they don’t like it, they can walk – no problem! I am not an enforcer of opinion on GFs – they either get it or go by-by! I’m cool with whatever they want of course – this is a FREE country. However – if they get to know me well enough, they also realize I won’t tolerate intrusions on my 2nd Amendment rights.
I have Liberal Democratic friends, and we get into knock down drag out fights over these on other issues. I’m always surprised when they call back and are still friends to this day. Discourse can be a thing of great wonder – don’t discount people’s basic intelligence – I think they know when they be wrong – even if they won’t admit it – the important thing is to STAND YOUR GROUND – and I mean that in every way – including the now supposedly infamous Florida law!
1.)Yes, load only one round for the first time shooter, as an instructor I know the first thing a newbie does is shoot then get excited(because they love it!) and point the gun at everyone present!
2.)90% of softcore anti gunners I can get to shoot call me the next day wanting to know if gun X they shot is for sale and when can I take them shooting again!
3.)Hardcore anti gunners, it just isn’t going to work in the long term-let them go…
My wife hates guns. In fact we had an argument this morning because I told her I wanted a lawyer to have in case the unthinkable happens and I have to defend ourselves with a weapon. She called me a vigilante. OMG she ruined my day. Something good that becomes of this, she can’t tell one handgun from another. So when I clean a new toy, she doesn’t have a clue.
I’d like to paraphrase Suzanne if I may . . . .
A Note to the Guys
Though it is changing considerably, shooting, hunting and gun culture has been a stereotypical male-dominated realm. This will likely remain so for any foreseeable future. However, that dosn’t mean that more women shouldn’t be involved and knowledgeable of this sport. Female shooters today inhabit a great deal more of the firearm culture then ever before. From the military to LE to sport and home defense, more gals are in the know than you may think. If she is new to the sport think about some of the following as maybe helpful hints to getting them started in a positive manner.
Do not frighten your gals by being macho and don’t smile or laugh at her as your trying to teach or introduce her to your sport or passion. She will be nervous enough and want to please you so support her and show her only positive encouragement. Show her that YOU are serious about taking the time WITH HER to be safe and enjoy the sport. Boys grew up playing rough with BB guns, paintball and laser tag . . . . Girls DO NOT for the most part. It’s implied they are not supposed to want to shoot guns. Most gals have the innate ability to shoot a gun. They just need to become used to the sport. Find out what they know or think they know, correct any un-true facts or misconceptions and give her the only true facts that may be supported by other sources.
Guidelines:
1) Don’t talk down to them, make fun of them or belittle their cautious or nervous behavior while you are introducing them to this sport. Positive support is important!
2) Take as much time at each step as SHE needs to become comfortable with what she’s doing. Let her proceed at HER pace.
3) Start with a .22 and only ONE ROUND, Do Not give her a .44 mag for her first shot!!!
4) Work your way up thru the calibers until she finds one SHE enjoys shooting. Stick with that caliber until SHE is a competent shooter! Find a platform she likes and get her a Birthday gift, but I am getting ahead of myself here.
5) Don’t be the only instructor she will have. Have a friend, or an RO or best yet another gal spend some time with her so she can ask questions and such that she might not ask you! If she shows an interest see if she might like to go to a women’s shooting group at your range and help her arrange it!
6) Don’t force her. Let her come to the sport in her own way. If you know another gal who shoots, hook them up. This is one of the best path for them to find enjoyment in this sport.
7) Tread lightly, don’t get frustrated, short tempered or condescending.
8) Don’t EVER grab a weapon away from them, no matter what! This action will stop her cold from preceding further than anything I know. This is a No-No and very bad Ju-Ju!
9) Teach them SAFTY FIRST!!! THEN work in the fundamentals of shooting while always sticking to safety as your foundation for teaching.
Women are teachers by nature and there way of learning something new is in part based on being able to pass that information along. They WANT to know how a thing works . . . . It’s up to you to take the time to SHOW them , at their PACE. They are DETAILED FOCUSED give them ALL the details they need!
If you go at their pace and in their time you will be at the very least be successful at taking the mystery and some of the fear out of firearm handling.
If you do this you will have a new shooting partner, field companion, and one more knowledgeable women.
Show your man the basic functionality of your gun and go over the safety rules. We ladies know many men don’t take instruction well, so make sure he’s safe, then let him figure out the rest himself.
Hi Suzanne,
Your observations are right on point!
However, hope should spring eternal (almost) that we can convert our non-gunner loved ones.
My wife has tolerated me for 25 years and now she is slowly warming up to firearms. She even got her LTC!
Franco
Hey Suzanne, we don’t run into this issue here in Alaska quit as often as the Lower 48 likly does. However, the point(s) are well taken. Kudos for another great post!
You’re gonna make someone a terrific wife, Suzzane. And, Frank’s right too, if actual “hate” is the crux of the matter. But the title;”When The One You Love, Doesn’t Love Guns,” can paint a much more broad reasoning.
My wife and I have been together twenty five years this year. We each hunted, fished, and camped, before we ever knew each other. My first wife, whom I was with fifteen years however, did not grow up with any of those endearing traits. Her whole family used to tease me, calling me “Nanook of the North.” Asking if I had coyote poop in my pocket, when I’d come home from a hunt, or drag the boat, and stop by their house, on the way home from the lake. When I’d return home from several days deer hunting, my now ex would ask;”Did you catch one?”
Now, I’ve had new, and I’ve had pre-owned, and I’m here to tell you, there’s something about a woman who will help you shoot, field dress, and butcher and wrap your game, as well as know how and where to add a little bacon grease too.
Well, the Ex and I had a boy and girl, and my wife did as well, just before I came along. We would all load up, and head to the lake or deer lease with all of ’em on custady weekends, a lot of times with mutual friends, with blended families. Yep, we looked like a Gypsy Circus, and the memories abound to this day.
However, somewhere along the way, life dealt some mighty blows. We first lost her son to accidental gun shot, then, whithin six weeks, I was involved in a bad truck accident, which eventually left me disabled, so all our guns have sat idle, collecting dust. We’ve kept fishing and camping over the years, but it’s been Hell at times, and will never be what it once was. Because of the world today, we’ve both obtained CCLs, and regained some interest, but it’s not easy. So there’s an aspect people may not consider, when responding to the thread. If there are indifferences, they could be for legitimate and varied reasons.
By the way, seven years later, we lost my son suddenly, to a rare form of Cancer.today’s his Birthday, and he and his Step Brother would both be thirty now, and are sorely missed.
At least, try to view people’s indifferences about guns with an open mind. Someone has to keep one.
Good work Suzanne. It’s a tough row to hoe when someone just shuts out facts and reason and does not even want to talk about guns. That’s sort of the situation with my sister. She has a profound bias against guns. Other than that, she is one spectacular person. I just accept that we’ll agree to disagree on that subject and I don’t bring it up.
Anyone that hates guns has much deeper problems than the outward appearance of just disliking guns. This is an indicator that they have been drinking liberal cool aid for a long time. I would try to “show them them the light” but I wouldn’t make it my life’s work. You can’t fix true stupidity. You will be better off without someome who makes decisions based on BS.