Stop Murdering the Law on TV… Please!

First, I am not a lawyer. I have the greatest respect for the hard working lawyer. I hold a degree in criminal justice and a minor in psychology, which I have found to be a terrific combination. I testified in quite a few cases tried while I served as a peace officer. Whether I won or lost my case, I went home. I like to keep it that way.

Too much TV and cinema will put you at risk. The gun mistakes don’t bother me. I am glad TV shows use non reciprocating gas guns as they are much safer for all concerned. Only a fool would use a real gun in training when a rubber gun will do just as well.

I am perfectly able to suspend belief. After all, the movies don’t show the hero answering the call of nature or eating but we assume he goes, correct? I guess he reloads off camera as well.

Clips are precious moments when you have 90 minutes to tell a story. When it comes to legal matters in the movies, I have a laugh or perhaps a grimace. Try to fire your six shooter seven or eight times if you wish, but for God’s sake don’t try the legal moves seen on TV or YouTube.

Legal Mistakes

As you may have realized, crime shows such as The FBI must compress an investigation that lasts months into a one-hour show. That’s fine, just cover the high points. When Criminal Minds was a reputable show framed in the story of cases the FBI previously worked, it stuck to procedure well. Then, it went down the toilet with the usual drivel.

A main character is framed for murder, another framed for drugs, the usual unbelievable personal drama. Many modern crime shows are basically good trash versus bad trash and the good trash wins. For what it is worth, the only agents in Criminal Minds who dressed and acted like real agents were Hotch, Rossi, and the incomparable Dr. Alex Blake played by Jeanne Tripplehorn. Let’s wade through some of the nonsense.

On a different note, the procedural show Dragnet was among the best. It created realistic shows of the time dealing with real issues. Highway Patrol was another, perhaps The Naked City was the best. Police Story wasn’t bad. Then we had Miami Vice that was basically a fantasy trip. That’s ok.

A lot of the on screen prima donnas arguing to the captain’s face would have been (A) fired on the spot, (B) picking themselves off the floor with a bloody nose, or (C) put into a psych ward. I have personally witnessed all three events. The shows are popular, and like most of Hollywood, the writers live in la-la land. Certainly, from their film portrayals, they simply don’t understand the real world. That’s fine its just a story. Like Lord of the Rings with badges you know.

But cops don’t have access to the high tech labs and procedure we see on TV — although Dexter, the serial killer cop, comes close to reality in that regard. As far as psychology goes, many TV shows seem to make us believe that the bad guys who kill are folks like us who have snapped and had a bad day.

No, that isn’t so. Most have their first violent outbreak at about 15. Mommy bails them out until they finally get in more serious trouble. They do not get credible jail time until they murder someone. Might be you, me, or an innocent little girl. Chicago was a safer, more moral place under Al Capone.

Criminal profilers are not used as often as they are on TV. It makes you think that profilers are used to catch shoplifters. These highly trained men and women are very rare and are called in primarily on serial murderers. As far as these go, BD Wong gets it right in his portrayal on Law and Order SVU (another show that often gets it right).

Wong is an intelligent man in real life, as you cannot fake this type of character. On a side note, Mariska Hargitay founded the Joyful Heart foundation to help victims of many types of abuse. I suppose the story lines got to her. I cannot tell you the respect I have for her. They do make it real sometimes. Hard to watch. Gritty. Sometimes absurd. Sometimes very good.

Profilers give cops a working idea of the type of offender they are looking for. Forensics and especially DNA helps convict the criminal. The final arbiter of success is in leg work and dogged investigators who risk everything to catch the criminal. In the process they often wreck their health and their family life, even their marriage.

There is no magic. There sure as hell aren’t a bunch of cops standing around with their fingers in their nose, waiting for a prima donna Rambo type to come up and solve the case. If there is no immediate suspect, the victim’s life is investigated. If you don’t do drugs, hang out in bad bars, steal money, or become involved in a lover’s triangle, your chances of being murdered are low. Then again, you may be surprised what those around you are doing.

So, it is about teamwork. Some detectives are better than others, but a squad with different abilities is the best of all. The prima donna is usually a useless sort. I knew one that always disappeared just before a raid. Turned out, he had let his Chief borrow money. Enough about that.

We see the insanity defense hardly ever used in real life. The thing is, being warped isn’t insanity. All criminals are sociopaths. A true psychopath is rare, perhaps one in a thousand and he isn’t insane. Prisons are disproportionately full of psychopaths.

There is no such thing as not guilty by reason of insanity. The person pleads guilty but not responsible and asks to be sent to a mental institution. There are not a lot of substance abusers or serial abusers without mental issues.

The most dangerous criminals, as far as child molesters and killers, are the ones who don’t look like monsters. TV gets that right. We don’t see many ads for very ugly pedophile type for TV show.

If you watch Dateline (one of my favorite shows) you will see there is no shortage of awful police work in real life. Cops screw up crime scenes we would never have messed up in the 1970s! This isn’t always just small towns. However, most get it right, even if they don’t catch a break for years.

For the most part, crime scenes are carefully roped off and only a handful of highly trained individuals are allowed to collect evidence, and they cover each other’s territory time and again. They may not solve the crime, but they collect the evidence that convicts the killers.

I have also watched a fictional drama or two in which the accused was handcuffed to a desk and berated by the victim’s family! No, that better not happen. Many cases are solved the old fashioned way with information from a concerned citizen.

We won’t even go into the amount of paperwork needed when a gun is fired. In the Old West, and as recently as a decade ago, in some jurisdictions the officer who killed someone was tried for murder. Might just be a bench trail, it may have lasted a few minutes, and the judge dismissed the case if the shooting was justified. That’s not the worst idea the country ever had.

Cops have emotions that are not always brought out in the cop shows. As an example, a true to life celebrated investigator solved a case in which a serial killer recorded the screams of his victims. Some of the tapes were sent to the agency.

The officer listened to each one. He had to listen for background noise in hopes of locating the victim’s place of death. He found and convicted the killer. Then, the killer claimed one more life. The cop committed suicide. It is a hard life for those with feelings.

The role of the courtroom judge is often vastly misrepresented. In a small town traffic court, the judge is there to convict you, no use arguing that, but there are exceptions. I worked with some of the finest judges ever in that regard. They were even handed, and I had to admit they were usually right.

Judges issue arrest warrants based on fact. They do not call to arrest anyone, and they interpret the law in the courtroom. If the officer’s case isn’t solid, it’s best not to take it before the judge. Sure, some judges are shady — witness the gun permits issued to the mafia by northern judges for decades. In the south, the Alex Murdaugh case is a startling debacle of corruption. No way in hell he could have perpetrated those crimes without the active participation of one or more judges (in my opinion). This will be interesting to some devastating to others.

Judges are to be respected and many are pinnacles of their profession. Another fact not often understood, an attorney doesn’t have to take your case. My good friend Barry always picked good cases where the client was right, and he did not have to get into a “questionable” dealing by a client. He made a living.

Another attorney, really a property lawyer, was famous for taking any case criminal or otherwise that graced the mahogany and he lost most of them. He got in his Lincoln and drove home no matter whether his client did or not.

In practically every class that I’ve taught, some student comes up with idiocy of one type or another. I can shoot a trespasser is one. No, you cannot, and you will get a fair trail is all I can promise! Another matter that always makes me grit my teeth is the cop that leaves cover, lays down his gun, and approaches an armed subject. If he did that and lived, he would be fired immediately after the action.

A rule I learned 40 years ago is that the suicidal are homicidal. They have nothing to lose. If they will kill their family, what is one cop to add to the toll? I attended a four-hour class on Tombstone Courage, and it was well taken. While more tactics than a legal matter, this seems a mainstay of the crime show and forges the myth of the ‘reasonable killer.’

Another idiotic plot device is the cop who manages to wreck his own vehicle or have his tires shot off and finds himself flat footing it. He commandeers a motor bike or Porsche depending on which best fits the plot device. The officer then proceeds to chase a criminal down the street as dozens of citizens run for their life.

So, maybe you can deny the request if an officer is foolish enough to make the request. According to legal sources it was common for cops in big cities to commandeer taxis. Until the 1920s, when in New York such a case exploded into a lawsuit when the cabbie was killed during the pursuit. The laws vary from state to state.

Failure to follow lawful direction of an officer is a valid charge usually taken in context with crowd or traffic control. In many jurisdictions, the officer would be personally responsible. Most institutions are self-insured. A negligent officer is forced to personally pay for damages.

My good friend Bill once bumped his cruiser against a fire hydrant. I think MAACO fixed the car for less than $100 and Bill had his check garnished for a few months. Back then, we drew about $249 every two weeks.

The old common law system of Hue and Cry required citizens to help officers in pursuit of a criminal. In some cases, citizens were required to keep a sword and horse available in case of such a call. The old west posse system was similar. In common law as it often happened good men were called to rise and face gangs. I think, perhaps we need more Goodman Browns or even a Solomon Kane these days. How wise it is, is another matter.

In cinema Interpol is often portrayed as an international police force. This is far from the truth. In fact, Interpol was originally chartered in Lyons France to filter and collect information on international crime. The members may have had police powers in their own nation but not elsewhere.

Interpol, sadly, has seldom lived up to its promise. There have been charges that some member nations use Interpol to harass political dissidents. The premier European agencies Scotland Yard, the Surete, and Germany’s Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution are primary members. Interpol president Jackie Selebi was convicted of corruption and taking bribes in 2010. He was once police commissioner of South Africa.

A politician from Communist China, Ming Honwei, was president of Interpol when arrested in 2019 also for taking bribes from drug dealers. Just the same, since most nations criminal database extends only to their borders Interpol’s famous red and yellow international alerts are important. They are certainly not what the cinema makes them out to be. A reformed agency, Europol, also exists.

The FBI has always played into fiction. I am pretty certain HP Lovecraft was the first to dramatize the FBI during its first year of existence. As best I can recall, the FBI routed out a satanic cult and a U.S. Navy Submarine — roughly as high tech as SpaceX today — shelled the cult’s island. Their portrayal is somewhere between the King’s Musketeers and the Justice League, seldom on point.

I enjoyed FBI International to a point. When it first aired, the agents were unarmed and assisted local police. Some of the stories were realistic. The scenery was interesting. Now, they travel seamlessly about Europe armed, unthinkable for the Surete or anyone else! In one episode they took over an assault from local police and entered a building with their own weapons. I just cannot fathom the writer’s outlook. No, the FBI cannot carry weapons overseas save in rare anti-terror hunts.

Another mistake often made is reference to the Witness Protection Program. It is a good program, administered by the Justice Department and ran by the Marshal’s office. It is important to protect those who have testified against cartels and organized crime. Not long ago, I watched a show in which a small town cop told a local woman testifying in a murder case that he would put her in witness protection. That doesn’t happen, it is rare enough on a federal level. There is simply no mechanism for doing so. Local agencies hardly have the funds to run the jail!

Final Thoughts

I could go on but as you can see the cinema not only makes mistakes, but the writers ignore the truth. It’s just a show. It is like debating the science in Star Trek — if you miss the fact that science fiction is just good satire. These are simply crime fantasies. You would be surprised how often someone in one of my classes quotes a TV show as an example of crime or the law.

These students need a serious brain enema. And recently, a ton of false information concerning concealed carry laws in New York was widely circulated and scarfed up by the unknowing. Be vigilant and enjoy your favorite shows, but don’t take them seriously.

Do you have a favorite TV show or movie gun myth? What gun myth or law have you had to dispel from new shooters or anti-gunners? Share your answers int he comment section.