How to Deal With a Stalker

Shadow of a burglar through the sheer curtains of the window.

You may have recently heard about the horrific stalking story of actress/singer Lily Allen and the 7-year stalking she was a victim of. During the 7-year ordeal, she received letters and threats. Her stalker showed up at her concerts; he contacted her friends and family, and eventually committed a home invasion when she was asleep. By Jason Hanson

Burglaries in the Home Can Happen at Any Time

When the stalker broke into her home he stole her purse, and police were able to arrest him and charge him with burglary. Throughout the 7 years, Allen had notified police and documented all of the stalking incidents. However, police said there was little they could do because the there was no proof the stalker had committed a crime.

Unfortunately, in many stalking situations it’s difficult for police to do much unless the stalker has committed a serious crime. So, what should you do if you have a stalker? Here are some tips that will hopefully keep you safe, and give you a little peace of mind, if you ever find yourself in this situation. (Side note: I have many clients who are doctors and it seems that doctors tend to attract a lot of stalkers.) First, you must stop all contact with the person you believe is stalking you. This includes asking your family to stop all contact with this person. You need to tell the person very firmly that their attention is unwanted. Now, if the stalker is someone you share children with, I realize you can’t completely stop contact.

However, any custody exchanges should be done at a police station in the presence of an officer. Do not dismiss how important this first tip is. As a human being you will be tempted to reply to their calls or letters, but you have to fight that urge and never reply to them.

Another important step you need to take is to tell the people in your life what you are dealing with and to document everything. What I mean is, you need to tell your family, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone who knows information about you that you have a stalker.

The reason you want to do this is because these people will be looking out for you. If your neighbor gets a knock on their door and someone is asking about you, then they wouldn’t give out any information and could notify you so you could make a record of the incident.

Burglars do not like to be in the spotlight. Keep your house well lit.
Burglars do not like to be in the spotlight. Keep your house well lit.

Don’t forget to document everything your stalker does no matter how small it may seem. I recommend keeping a journal of events including dates, times, and other detailed information that can help police stop your stalker.

Having a stalker can be very scary and one of the most important factors is your personal protection plan. In extreme cases I would recommend hiring a bodyguard. However, I realize many people are unable to do that, so you need to put in place other security measures.

Now, I am a gun guy and I always carry a gun. I would recommend you do the same. However, if you are not a gun person, you need to have some sort of tool to defend yourself such as a Tactical Pen or Micro Spy. You also need to ensure your home is as secure as possible by using an alarm system, motion sensor lights, and a security camera system.

Also, we know stalkers like to keep tabs on their victims so you need to constantly be checking for tracking devices. I would always check your vehicle as well as your cell phone. These days, it’s easy to download spyware or an app to a cell phone, so you can always track that phone.

Finally, for your personal protection I would suggest taking a basic self-defense course. You can learn very simple moves that will be effective if your stalker tries to physically harm you.

The bottom line is, 1 million women and 371,000 men are the victims of stalking each year in America. It’s unfair to these victims that their lives are turned upside down due to a stalker.

I hope that applying these tips to a stalking situation can help you stay safe and law enforcement can catch your stalker. Remember, one of the most important things is to NEVER give your stalker any attention, and don’t let it ruin your life, because that’s exactly what a stalker wants.

Jason Hanson is a former CIA Officer and New York Times bestselling author of Spy Secrets That Can Save Your Life. To get a free credit card knife from Jason, visit

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Comments (7)

  1. I am confused when the author says the police can “do nothing as there is no proof the stalker committed a crime”
    Here in Florida, stalking is itself a crime
    The definition of stalking is very loose and you can get a person arrested and prosecuted if they continue the behavior after warning

  2. Pepper Spray, get the biggest can you can get of Bear Spray and when he comes around spray from forehead to below crouch. Repeat on face and crouch as needed. Next time he will pick an easier target.

    1. Hey, V V 67-69,
      I’ve heard that an aerosol can of wasp spray is also very good, as it sprays 12 – 15 or more feet. It drops wasps on contact…..can’t imagine what it does to one’s eyes. If I were a woman, I’d carry one in my purse as well as by the driver’s and passenger’s seat of my car.

      V V 1969-73

  3. Stalkers are probably cowards because they would rather stay in the shadows than face the person they are stalking. One way to end it is (if you carry a concealed weapon) to face up to the stalker and tell them plainly that under the current castle laws if you feel you are being threatened you are allowed to protect yourself. Tell them you feel very threatened by them and just might be panicked at some point into shooting them. Make it firm and have a look in your eyes they cannot mistake as being serious. Just my take.

  4. The author of this article has shared words of wisdom. Especially “document everything”. While I found the article informative, I do believe the author needs a proofreader. I think that it should be…this action would give you peace (as in tranquility) of mind. Use “piece” when referring to “giving someone a piece (as in a part) of my mind”. Just an observation.

  5. Being stalked by a rogue cop can be living life on a razor’s edge. Followed our family from New York to Pennsylvania. Even got employed at the Township P.D.
    Multiple breakins , cars vandalized, etc.

    I purchased my first handgun December 26 at a gun show, ( with a background check) because of being stalked everyday practically and even on Christmas Eve.

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