You may have recently heard about the horrific stalking story of actress/singer Lily Allen and the 7-year stalking she was a victim of. During the 7-year ordeal, she received letters and threats. Her stalker showed up at her concerts; he contacted her friends and family, and eventually committed a home invasion when she was asleep. By Jason Hanson
When the stalker broke into her home he stole her purse, and police were able to arrest him and charge him with burglary. Throughout the 7 years, Allen had notified police and documented all of the stalking incidents. However, police said there was little they could do because the there was no proof the stalker had committed a crime.
Unfortunately, in many stalking situations it’s difficult for police to do much unless the stalker has committed a serious crime. So, what should you do if you have a stalker? Here are some tips that will hopefully keep you safe, and give you a little peace of mind, if you ever find yourself in this situation. (Side note: I have many clients who are doctors and it seems that doctors tend to attract a lot of stalkers.) First, you must stop all contact with the person you believe is stalking you. This includes asking your family to stop all contact with this person. You need to tell the person very firmly that their attention is unwanted. Now, if the stalker is someone you share children with, I realize you can’t completely stop contact.
However, any custody exchanges should be done at a police station in the presence of an officer. Do not dismiss how important this first tip is. As a human being you will be tempted to reply to their calls or letters, but you have to fight that urge and never reply to them.
Another important step you need to take is to tell the people in your life what you are dealing with and to document everything. What I mean is, you need to tell your family, co-workers, neighbors, and anyone who knows information about you that you have a stalker.
The reason you want to do this is because these people will be looking out for you. If your neighbor gets a knock on their door and someone is asking about you, then they wouldn’t give out any information and could notify you so you could make a record of the incident.
Don’t forget to document everything your stalker does no matter how small it may seem. I recommend keeping a journal of events including dates, times, and other detailed information that can help police stop your stalker.
Having a stalker can be very scary and one of the most important factors is your personal protection plan. In extreme cases I would recommend hiring a bodyguard. However, I realize many people are unable to do that, so you need to put in place other security measures.
Now, I am a gun guy and I always carry a gun. I would recommend you do the same. However, if you are not a gun person, you need to have some sort of tool to defend yourself such as a Tactical Pen or Micro Spy. You also need to ensure your home is as secure as possible by using an alarm system, motion sensor lights, and a security camera system.
Also, we know stalkers like to keep tabs on their victims so you need to constantly be checking for tracking devices. I would always check your vehicle as well as your cell phone. These days, it’s easy to download spyware or an app to a cell phone, so you can always track that phone.
Finally, for your personal protection I would suggest taking a basic self-defense course. You can learn very simple moves that will be effective if your stalker tries to physically harm you.
The bottom line is, 1 million women and 371,000 men are the victims of stalking each year in America. It’s unfair to these victims that their lives are turned upside down due to a stalker.
I hope that applying these tips to a stalking situation can help you stay safe and law enforcement can catch your stalker. Remember, one of the most important things is to NEVER give your stalker any attention, and don’t let it ruin your life, because that’s exactly what a stalker wants.